Last night I wrote, “a prayer for the busy”. A short mono log outlining my fear of living my entire life as a stranger to Christ. Really that diatribe was an effort to express my disappointment with myself. Evaluating the things I have been allocating my efforts toward didn’t jive with the priorities I want to live by. So I wrote a prayer in hopes it would be read and maybe a few followers might remember me in their time spent with Christ.
This morning my pastor (a very close friend) called to check on me. He awoke this morning and felt like I really needed his help. He then proceeded to come by and visit (a first). During this time I was allowed to voice my concerns and receive spiritual counseling at a time I really needed it.
Some might say coincidence. The Bible says,”Seek and Ye shall find”. Last night I was seeking the Lord and, as is written, he came. Amen
I feel ashamed when I allow “things” to deter me from my time with God. Inside, my greatest fear is meeting Jesus and doing so as a stranger. Nothing scares me more than that scenario. Yet so many times I get swept away in events, fatigue or distractions. How can something so important get so little attention? Any answer to this question would really just be an excuse.
So I am writing this prayer, so that I have to look back on it often and remember that the choices I make, all have a consequence.
Lord, please forgive my selfishness. I know I can do better. I pray that I develop a dependant relationship with you. One where I am compelled to share this journey with you. Both the triumphs and failures. Lord you have known me before time began, please help me to seek. Please forgive me for the times I have put earthly priorities before you, there is no excuse for not putting you above all else. Help me to focus on the love you have for me, rather than the times I failed you. May I please become your servant on earth as I hope to be in heaven. Amen
It has been some time since I have written. In earlier efforts, I really tried using this medium as a means to help nurture a calling into the ministry. Writing made me feel good, almost as though I was passing along some bit of wisdom that was going to change the lives of everyone who read my page. Alas, I had a few readers but after awhile my efforts just seemed futile. I had spent so much time pouring out my soul, but so have a million others. So I began to question the feelings that initially inspired me to write in the first place. Maybe I am not ministry material.
Frustration is an evil sort of self destruction. It consumes so much energy as it destroys your dreams and aspirations. Annhilating all patience, leaving nothing but doubt, resentment and anger. Seems to me someone aspiring to be a minister would have slain this attitude before making their intentions public. Airing my feelings out certainly helps, even if only a few people see it. I hope that maybe this finds another believer fighting the good fight and this may remind them that there are others. Others who are frustrated, angry, scared and that it’s OK to feel that way.
James 1:2-4 Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.