Dreamless

I realized a few years ago, that as I aged I had fewer and fewer dreams. Not the kind at night during sleep. I’m talking about goals, ambitions, something to accomplish. At 40, with a 2 yr. old, I have an infinite number of hopes and dreams for her future, but none of my own. I gotta say I am more than a little frustrated since it has been a prayer concern for some time now. Clinging to what I like to do, helping others. I am cosistently turned away because the degree I earned 20 years ago wasn’t in theology, psychiatry or social services. I can’t understand why passion isn’t a quality employers look for with candidates. From past experiences, those who love what they do are significantly more productive. But such is the world. So I have to ask myself why this particular desire seems to haunt me when there is no way for resolution. I guess ultimately I can help my daughter achieve her dreams and live vicariously through her. But I don’t think that is how God operates. Maybe he does, maybe I am deaf. Whatever the case I find myself lost with no direction, existing, but not really living. I know there are others like me, wandering, searching for that elusive purpose. If you have gone through this valley and come out of it, please let me know,how. I am fresh out of ideas.

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3 comments

  1. I use journaling to help me understand what my heart needs me to hear that day. I discuss my process in more detail in my blog, i dont want to overload your writing here. Just know life is a process, it is full of valleys and peaks. We need both to live a full life. If you’re in a valley now, look out. Your next peak may be waiting around the next corner. Just keep going 🙂

  2. I am 42 and don’t know what it is I am supposed to be or what goal should I be working towards. But then I realised that this is the problem: by assuming that I should have a goal to work towards I am ignoring God working in me and I am striving towards human success ie something that can be measured a certificate on my wall etc But when you open your life to allowing God to direct it amazing happen all by themselves. You suddenly find yourself agreeing to do things you wouldn’t have thought of or find yourself in company that you would never brushed shoulders with. Float awhile. Even doing this blog is something and is helping others! The way I see things – If God had wished for me to climb Everest I’d have done it by now. Or the best quote I heard in my life ” Do God’s work first because all the rest is blether!”

    • Thank you so much for your response, I got a lot from your response. That’s one of the things I enjoy most about this site, the invaluable input of others. Thanks again for sharing.


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